“Don’t worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough evil of its own.”
-Jesus, recorded in The Gospel of Matthew

On Thursday I am going in for a throat scope. They are going to drop some kind of camera down my throat and see what they can see. My kids want all the details.

“Are they going to put you to sleep?”

I don’t know.

“Is it going to hurt?”

I don’t know.

“Will the camera make you throw up?”

I don’t know.

“Do you get ice cream afterward?”

Yes. Yes I do. That is one question I can answer with confidence. The rest is unknown. I don’t know if they will tell me right then what they found, or if I have to wait a few weeks for some other doctor to call. I don’t know if this test will lead to another more invasive test or if this one will tell us all we need to know. I don’t know if we will find any answers. I don’t even know what I would prefer… the finding or the not. This is a world beyond my experience.

With all these unknowns, it would be very easy to worry. To be eaten up by anxiety. I can feel that worry trying to move into my headspace. Its bags are packed and it wants to come over. But so far I have kept this boogeyman from lounging around my dreams.

In the midst of all these unknowns, there is the one thing I do know. I know Him who called me. I trust in His plan and His purposes for my life, for my family, and for our church. When fear threatens to come over and grab me by the throat, I stop and pray. I sometimes visualize that my fears are like packages. And when I rise from prayer I leave the packages at the feet of Jesus.

There are big days. And there are big tests. For me, that is not today. So I will walk with Jesus today, and tomorrow we’ll do it again. Thursday is coming. It will bring knowledge I don’t have today. Until it becomes the present, I cannot carry it. So I don’t.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. They are a help. I hope these words of mine are a help to you as well.

-Ernesto Alaniz

Leave a Reply